Now add what happened two weeks ago I know Aiden has issues with colds, it usually ends in an ear infection, but this last one was different hubby had bronchitis the week before this which yes had me worried. The night of April fourth Aiden started acting sick slight cough normal cold like symptoms next morning same thing I dropped him off at grandma's and went to work. Called at three and she said he seemed worse but was ok, hour and a half later she called in a panic he was worse and needed me to get there ASAP. Thankfully my back up was there and I ran out the door got home to s little boy's whose breathing was very wheezy you could here every breath. I called his pediatrician who told me to either go to primaries medical center or a kid care. I went straight to a kid care because it was a five minute drive versus 45. Once there and at the desk it was mere minutes before we were taking straight back his breathing was that bad.
To breathing treatments and shot of steroids later we were doing ye waiting game to decide if we were heading home or heading up to Primaries. Thsnkfully it all worked out and we were able to go home but it was close. Aiden was almost sent up to Primariea and a possible night stay. During it all I stayed calm and through the next day remained so gave him gees thing treatments was given an inhaler for him and I just stayed home from work and took care of him.
That night though hit me hard I checked him every hour scared that he would again have breathing issues. It was a rough exhuasting night full of panic attacks. At one point I touched him and he felt cold which caused me to freak out and scared the poor kid. After I settled him down I recovered him with the blanket he had kicked off and waited for my pounding heart to calm down.
The next day at work was not an easy one. First I came into a mess my back up did little, rush missed room a mess. Being already exhausted close to having another panic attack I was emotions let fucked up. Close to either crying or screaming and due to complete exhaustion I was having a really hard time talking. Words were just not coming out right or at all. Aiden was seemingly better but I was not. I got more sleep that night and I just wanted to survive Friday and have a weekend to hopefully calm my anxiety and pull me out if the depression I was in. I can only explain what I had as ptsd I thought we were done with some of this stuff he had been doing better! It had been two years since he needed a breathing treatment, no more primaries. Found out I was living in a fantasy world that this kid could still end up there because his problems were fixed but not cured. Guess it just hit me hard :/.
He seemed much better on Friday then Saturday morning he woke up screaming and pointing at his ear. Not new to this I grabbed my phone and got him an appointment to see his doctor. As suspected he had an ear infection and his cough was back and worse suspecting the start if bronchitis I ended up giving him breathing treatments for the weekend to stop it from getting worse and not getting pneumonia.
He is much better now but I feel like I'm questioning my own sanity partially because I sometimes feel like I'm doing most of this alone hubby just doesn't do much. Like today I had to work for a while left early and when I called about going home found out he hadn't fed himself or the boys so I had to get food for them. Get home to a very messy livi g room one I had cleaned up yesterday. I'm trying to do the best I can but I don't feel like it's good enough no matter what I do it's not enough. I'm just tired and numb as of late and hoping at some point I'll be strong again just not right now.
No comments:
Post a Comment