Friday, April 22, 2016

Cinder by Marissa Meyer (book review)

One genre of books I enjoy reading is rehashed fairy tales I really love the series The Wide Awake Princess, just a very cute read I believe I still have one more book to read in the series, When I get around to it I will try to do a book review of the last book and the series in general. If you like series based off of fairy tales I do recommend that one its just fun.

Because of my love of this genre I decided to pick up the YA novel Cinder. This story occurs in the future after World War IV I believe and is in New Beijing. I liked the story, not love. A lot was predictable and somethings could have been explained better. Cinde(a.k.a Cinderella) is a cyborg who became one due to a terrible accident. After someone becomes a cyborg they are seen as second hand citizens. The only explanation for that is they received a second chance as life so have less rights then others, which seems odd to me but whatever. I wonder if they see them as less because Cinder is partially controlled by her machine parts, when she has some extreme emotional  response it forces her to come down, and she is unable to cry.

It wasn't a terrible book but while reading it I decided not to read the next one. And yet I am now reading the second book called Scarlet. Which is about Cinder and Scarlet, little red riding hood, i haven't read much into the book but  I'll try to do a review on it as well. I have read two other books both Start Wars which I may or may not get around to reviewing, will see if my motivation stays around long enough for that. My current state of mind hasn't been the right one for writing.

Sunday, April 17, 2016

Motivation were did you go?

It's not been a great few weeks/months. With the boys been getting sick over and over and my youngest pediatrician wants him tested for speech and possibly behavioral therapy. It's been rough to say the least and has been taking its toll on me. First of I'm scared they going to diagnose Aiden with stuff I know he does not have, he is not adhd just a rambunctious four year old. How have I come to this conclusion? His doctor and dentist appointments show that he can be very well behaved and follow all directions. When it comes to doctors he is overall the perfect little patient. So yes this has put me on edge.

Now add what happened two weeks ago I know Aiden has issues with colds, it usually ends in an ear infection, but this last one was different hubby had bronchitis the week before this which yes had me worried. The night of April fourth Aiden started acting sick slight cough normal cold like symptoms next morning same thing I dropped him off at grandma's and went to work. Called at three and she said he seemed worse but was ok, hour and a half later she called in a panic he was worse and needed me to get there ASAP. Thankfully my back up was there and I ran out the door got home to s little boy's whose breathing was very wheezy you could here every breath. I called his pediatrician who told me to either go to primaries medical center or a kid care. I went straight to a kid care because it was a five minute drive versus 45. Once there and at the desk it was mere minutes before we were taking straight back his breathing was that bad.

To breathing treatments and shot of steroids later we were doing ye waiting game to decide if we were heading home or heading up to Primaries. Thsnkfully it all worked out and we were able to go home but it was close. Aiden was almost sent up to Primariea and a possible night stay. During it all I stayed calm and through the next day remained so gave him gees thing treatments was given an inhaler for him and I just stayed home from work and took care of him.

That night though hit me hard I checked him every hour scared that he would again have breathing issues. It was a rough exhuasting night full of panic attacks. At one point I touched him and he felt cold which caused me to freak out and scared the poor kid. After I settled him down I recovered him with the blanket he had kicked off and waited for my pounding heart to calm down.

The next day at work was not an easy one. First I came into a mess my back up did little, rush missed room a mess. Being already exhausted close to having another panic attack I was emotions let fucked up. Close to either crying or screaming and due to complete exhaustion I was having a really hard time talking. Words were just not coming out right or at all. Aiden was seemingly better but I was not. I got more sleep that night and I just wanted to survive Friday and have a weekend to hopefully calm my anxiety and pull me out if the depression I was in. I can only explain what I had as ptsd I thought we were done with some of this stuff he had been doing better! It had been two years since he needed a breathing treatment, no more primaries. Found out I was living in a fantasy world that this kid could still end up there because his problems were fixed but not cured. Guess it just hit me hard :/.

He seemed much better on Friday then Saturday  morning he woke up screaming and pointing at his ear. Not new to this I grabbed my phone and got him an appointment to see his doctor. As suspected he had an ear infection and his cough was back and worse suspecting the start if bronchitis I ended up giving him breathing treatments for the weekend to stop it from getting worse and not getting pneumonia.

He is much better now but I feel like I'm questioning my own sanity partially because I sometimes feel like I'm doing most of this alone hubby just doesn't do much. Like today I had to work for a while left early and when I called about going home found out he hadn't fed himself or the boys so I had to get food for them. Get home to a very messy livi g room one I had cleaned up yesterday. I'm trying to do the best I can but I don't feel like it's good enough no matter what I do it's not enough. I'm just tired and numb as of late and hoping at some point I'll be strong again just not right now.