I hate the phrase it could be worse, it undermines what that person is dealing with and can I fact make things worse. I've had that term used on my snd since I'm good at putting myself dorm it AIDS me into doing it. Makes me think your right it could be worse why am I being so weak/stupid with what's going on when others have it worse. And all that does is increase the self blaming and throw me deeper into what ever depression and or anxiety I am having at the moment.

I don't know why I am writing this I know my insomnia has been bad and getting worse and I'm just exhausted beyond reason and just wishing for a good night sleep. There is so much I need to get done and it's hard to do with no sleep I'm functioning but not succeeding and hating it all right now. I just want t some sleep. 

Insomnia

So sorry for my lack of post my insomnia is kicking my ass and I haven't been in the right state of mind to write. Honestly not really am now just figured I'd give a short update. Hubby is still not all that great they are trying to find the correct dosages to work correctly. I finished season 3 of Orphan Black haven't watched season 4 it's not free on prime and so decided to find something else to watch which I never have. Watch the first season/ episode of Sherlock and will be watching the other two. Definitely enjoyed it more then I expected. Not much else going on boys had dentist appointment today and they both did well.

First pic was from six months ago second today boys sure are growing!

Darkness Fair by Rachel A Marks, book review

 

Against the backdrop of an ancient battle between the forces of Light and the forces of Darkness, Aidan struggles to control the newly awakened and enigmatic powers that seem to be his only hope for rescuing Ava, his little sister, trapped somewhere beyond the Veil. As he gravitates to Kara, the beguiling and dangerously unstable girl who helped him realize his abilities, a terrible mistake of fate is revealed that points him back toward Rebecca, whose role is becoming more critical to the battle. And no matter what his heart wants, it might be too late to stop the pieces already in motion.

Without knowing the sacrifices that will be required of them, Aidan and his motley crew of friends—each with their own role to play—must face the demon threat head-on. They’re the only ones keeping the growing army of Darkness at bay, and if they fail, the future of humanity could be lost.

Honestly I do not know why I like this series but I do. Some of the characters are s bit cliche and when I look back at it not a ton happened this one and yet it kept me entertained. And unlike most books I've read as of late there wasn't any blaring parts that bugged me. Overall I liked this book the backdrop to it is more unique them some and one part even made me emotional.

The only negative thing I can say about it wax there were a few grammatical errors that should have been caught before it was released and even those were not as bad as book one. Saw only a few small errors there were more in book one. I will definitely be reading the last book in this series I gotta know what happens and especially what the hell is going on with one character in particular. Won't go into detail because I do recommend this book and the twists in this one are not fully predictable.

Halloween summer festival

Took the boys to the Halloween summer festival in Magna. 

Overall it was fun mainly went for the boys they love anything and everything Halloween. So we went. It mainly had booths that people were selling stuff out a grabbed a few cards from some of the local artists so that I can follow them on etsy.

The one on type has the cool looking jars with different items in. One I really liked I love seashells and it well contained seashells and was thirty dollars and as mentioned I don't have extra cash right now but looking is fun. 

^ screen cap of her etsy shop.

The bottom one  hillzart had some very unique drawings and some pretty jewelry made out of wood.  I've included a secret cap f some of her jewelry From her etsy site, so pretty and unique.

Went with my parents to the festival since hubby is adjusting to his new meds but not that well. Betting he will be calling cardiology once again tomorrow.

Also while we were out some people were dressed in some strange angle costumes guess they were unhappy with the Halloween festival? Not so great picture below its behind d the car :/.

Lastly two more photos from the festival top Star Wars motorcycle from Salt Lake Comic Con. And last speaks for itself just a random photo really🎃. 

Progress

Hubby was seen by cardiology once again today because he is tired of the aweful side effects of his medicine ch and needs something to be done. This time they listened! They have decreased his beta blocker by half and for the next two weeks no cholesterol meds. Hopefully he will feel more like himself. He's hoping he feels better by Saturday because I have plans to take the boys to a festival with my parents and he wants to feel well enough to go will just have to wait and see.

Side note I am so frustrated with my yard right now. Trying to keep it in ok shape. Can't add anything to broke for thy but at least trying to keep the weeds at bay but these keeps happening:

Think we have a vole problem. Darn little guys keep causing dirt piles all over my grass the damn things are destroying my yard. Don't know what we can do to get rid off them either. Can't afford an exterminator and doubt it would work hey are not just in my yard. Kill them

And they'll just come back :/. All I can say is they suck.

Orphan Black

After a while I can't handle the stuff the kids watch. So I was randomly looking at what was avaliable on my kindle through prime. I found Orphan Black and decided to watch the first episode. I'm now on season two because this show has me hooked. I won't go into to much detail but the main actress in this show is really good. She plays multiple characters and I have to constantly remind myself that it's all done by the same person. The characters she plays are so very different that it's hard to rap your mind around the fact it's all the played by the same person. The show is a bit sci fi-ish but yes I'm loving it. The first three seasons are pfree on prime hoping season four which just recently finished becomes free soon to cause I want to watch them all. 

I also may be back to reading more. After a week of insomnia I realized the nights I tend to sleep better are the nights I read a few chapters right before falling asleep! So yes back to more reading everyday again. I slept a little better last night hopefully the same thing happens tonight.

Sigh

Can I just say that medical stuff in general is beyond frustrating?? All these tests and still no answers from the doctors. He still feels off and we,as in him and myself feel it is side effects of the beta blocker he is taking but the doctors will not look at it or listen to us.

All we have been receiving from them is hey his heart looks great you shouldn't be having these symptoms! But he is! Gah! He's taken the papers in for his medicines which clearly list the side effects he is dealing with but they won't say that they could be causing it. So frustrating. All my husband wants is for someone to listen to him and see if he can be put onto a different beta blocker. He's looked into it the one he's on is not the only one he can take now to get someone to listen to him :/.

Small side note my next book review may not happen for a while. I am not in the right state of mind for reading. Once I do finish the book I'm reading I'll review it. It just may not happen this month.

Zzzquill produce review

Received this from influenster to review the product. It came on Thursday just about perfect timing to be honest I've had little sleep since the first of July, insomnia plus panick attacks sucks ass.

Ok tried it last night and firstly I admit I did not follow the instructions😳. Bad girl right? Now what I didn't follow is that it says is to take two, I took one. I tend to have medicine effect me strongly I only ever take one benedryl at s time fue to hoe I react to it. Two makes me incredibly tired and can't wake up in the morning. As a mom. I can't have that so to make sure it doesn't have with this I took one. Still took me time to get to sleep but after realizing our total out of pocket for medical is 4000 which we hit and not 2500 like it use to be it makes getting to sleep harder. Yay for constant anxiety attacks over well everything. :/ Need to find a way to make a little extra money my etsy store which hasn't really been used might be soon. Shop name rainbowkitties if anyone is curious.

Anyways back to the product once I fell asleep I stayed asleep which hasn't happened for a few weeks now. Do I call that a win 🙂. I am thinking about buying more so that after a week of insomnia I can at least get some rest on the weekend and I hopefully won't completely loose my mind. Really do need a little extra help right now so like I said this came at the perfect time. So thank you Zzzquill for the much needed 💤 last night.

Results

Ok after the stress test the tech did not see anything that was alarming do wee were sent home to wait for someone else to more thought look at it and call us later. Well they just called and overall everything looks fine which means stuff may point back to what I think it is side effects of the medicine he is on. He sees his cardiologist later this month and we shall see what he says. But so far nothing but good news!

Update

Slight change in plans they are doing the stress today we are just waiting for them to get him to do it.

ETA ok they are doing the test now we my not know the results until later today or tomorrow.

ER

We are back at the ER because hubby is still feeling way off. No idea if we will get any answers today my guess we won't cause that's how it been the past few weeks. Hoping the stress test on Saturday tells us something.

Quick hubby update

So hubby is still feeling off he went to see cardiology today and they are not sure what is going on so come Saturday they are doing another stress test. If things look ok he goes home of not he is being admitted and another angio will be done. There is a chance one of the stents is not working properly we will see.

Fourth of July tradition

Do it has become tradition with th boys to play on the water for the past four years. Definitely one will keep going.

2016

2015

2014

2013

How does that make you feel?

Took A to the children center under the advice of his pediatrician. He thought that maybe they could be helpful with them. Basically they are patchologists for kids. We went on Wednesday for his evaluation. Honestly I was not looking forward to it because I did not want him being diagnosed with something I knew he didn't have.

 

Learned something sbout myself that day I am not a fan of talking about my feelings to a complete stranger, at all. A would be doing something and she kept asking me how I felt about it most of the time felt not much was just watching A snd hoping they didn't bring up any problems I know he doesn't have. But of courage hey tries she said he had a few tendencies of autism because his hands twitch a little. *roll eyes* That's the only autistic thing he does. When asked what I felt about it I just said nope not him. He doesn't rock, react to bright light lights, or loud sounds and he makes eye contact to everyone. I know his delays are due to his heart surgeries. There had been Dom correlation to this as well. 

Even last week one of my heart mom groups was deiscussomg speech delays and a lot of moms like myself mentioned there kids all have them. And yea u an saying all this cause the lady was trying to say it wasn't correlated which I admit annoyed me. Good news is she didn't feel he needed to be seen there and does he thetapy should be enough ❤️. Yay! But she mentioned I should maybe have him tested to see if he needs physical therapy if it's not one thing it's another.

Lastly shout out for ideas my husband is on a low salt diet and we need recipe ideas! If anyone have any ideas let me now. 😊

Follow You Home by Mark Edwards a book review

It was supposed to be the trip of a lifetime, a final adventure before settling down. But after a perfect start, an encounter with a young couple on a night train forces Daniel and Laura to cut their dream trip short and flee home.

Back in London, Daniel and Laura vow never to talk about what happened that night. But as they try to fit into their old lives again, they realise they are in terrible danger—and that their nightmare is just beginning…

For the most part I liked the book, didn't love the twist ending tg be part of it is because the character it dealt with didn't care for her either not that the other character was oblivious to it. Now the book could have been better there was some parts that just had big errors. If only the author did just a little bit of research and it would have been better. But I know what is going on here. The author who isn't a terrible writter had two top seller books and this one? Was written a little to fast so it could come out on the coat tails of the first two books. He should have taken a little bit more time to flesh it out more.

One of my problems with the book is that the main characters supposedly British use American slang and covert kilometers to miles but only Americans use miles. British terms are randomly used but slang is never used by the characters. I mean if your writing someon from a specific area use there slang! Bring in the authenticity. Another was that the main character bought  something online right after his debit card was cancelled because it was stolen. I know it was written because the author was being lazy still come on you can't use the card right after it was canceled *face palm*.

One more thing that can be spoilerish so don't read if you are going to read the book though I figured it out right when it happened. Anyways here comes a spoiler turn away before its to late! The main character Daniel is an app maker and was stupid enough to open an email from his x girlfriend which was obviously not from her and put s virus on his computer. Now come on if you are a computer techie your not going to click the obvious virus emails seriously why put that kind of stuff drives me crazy!! Ok *takes deep breath* better now. It wasn't a horrible book it kept me interested and parts of it I had a hard time figuring out but others like the twist at the end just annoyed me. From other reviews I have read Mark Edwards first two books are much better then this one so those would probably be the safer bet over this book.

The helpers

 This is going to be a new type of post I'll will be putting up from time to time. In a time of so much negativity we need to seek out the good, because it tends to be buried just below the surface of all of the bad.

http://www.orangeobserver.com/article/residents-respond-orlando-mass-shooting-donating-blood-droves. 

http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/breaking-news/os-orlando-nightclub-shooting-blood-donations-20160612-story.html

The call for blood donors to help the victims in Florida was answered in miles of lines of people. ❤️

http://www.fox5atlanta.com/news/158700906-story

Chick-Fil-A employees made sandwiches on Sunday and brought them for the people waiting to donate blood.

http://avc.lu/1OlaDds

The go fund me page to support those affected has reached over a million dollars!!

There is some good in the world and it's worth fighting for.

I absolutely love this quote and have always believed this.

I now people wonder why I read so much about the halocaust because of the reason above. Yes it was a horrible time where a group of people did terrible things to other people, but buried under surface was people who did what they could to protect others. Even at the risk of there own life. There will always be ad people but there are good people to. Sure there are Hitler's out there but there is also Schindler's. Saw it today after the call for blood after the massacre brought out s lot of people. The lines of people show that even though there are bad people in the world the good far out number them it's just the other group tends to be louder and of course scarier.

My thoughts are with Orlando

I don't normally like to write or talk abut certain things because people can be so very judgmental and I'm not the best with confrontation. By now most people should have hear about what happened in Orlando. 50 people are dead another 53 injured. And yes I said people I know they are part of the LGBT community but that should not matter, They are people who deserve to live as much as anyone else, to love and be happy. I have several friends who are LBGT and no I see them no differently from my other friends, in fact they are closer friends to me then others. It saddening that people can only see hate to others but it is there, it is always there.

Prejudice, hate it is always here and it always will be unfortunately. Be it part of human nature and well most is taught into us at such a young age how can it not be there?  I rarely discuss my own religious beliefs, since I... don't really have much of one. I'm not of any religion nor do I classify myself as atheist I'm just me. I've had my own judgment put on me due to this especially since I was born in a state who is strong in one type of religion and some have treated me different;y because of it. Region, who you love should not be seen as a lesser person, but it does and as I've said I do feel it always will. People have a hard time dealing with something different from them. Some of it is taught at a young age. In the past I always pointed to Star Trek the Undiscovered Country. Something that is pushed onto you for so long, seeing someone as something else even if they are a decent human being just part of a label you have a problem with brings bias.

Chancellor Gorkon: You don't trust me, do you?

 I don't blame you. If there is to be a brave new 

world, our generation is going to have the hardest time 

living in it. 

This ind of thing just makes me feel sick and sad. Sad for the victims affected and sick because I know nothing can change the fact that this kind of thing will stop.  Because it won't people will always hate, and there will always be bad people in the world. its just part of life all I can do is continue to be the person who I am and maybe not be so shy about posting all the parts of me. I know who I am even if it  mean others will have a problem with me, but for m friends who are a art of the LBGT community and do not hide who they are I should do the same right? I mean if people have issues with me for being me then I want them to say it so I can cut that person from my life and move on and be happy.

Same day in day out

Not a whole lot is going on for us right now. Hubby is still not feeling great he felt off yesterday like last week when he went to the ER. We think it'll just take time and with working and what not it will just take time. Which sucks we are not doing a real n right get now just to hard on him. He is waiting two weeks before going back to rehab following the advice of his doctor. He is walking a few blocks most everyday. Just not yesterday cause he over did it at work and most likely not today it's been raining all day.

Admittingly I am becoming a bit stir crazy hubby has suggested I just take the boys and go out but just the grocery store with these two is hard. Four year olds can be a challenge and when my oldest is hyper getting him to stay calm and be good is also hard. Usually come home more stressed and restless then I was before the outing. So for now it's being stir crazy at home.

Haven't watched a ton either unless Gravity Fall counts My seven year olds new obsession. Still working on getting season two of Daredevil finish so far once again it's never a disappointment. Watched Deadpool last weekend and it was alright either or was to over hyped for me or I was not on the right state of mind for said movie. Guessing it is a little bit of both. After we finish Daredevil going to buy and watched last drain of Game of Thrones. We don't have HBO so have to wait until it's released to see the last season and have not had time to get to it yet. Really hard not to get spoiled when you have to wait that long but as I said before we can't afford the movie stations so we wait. Now one series I watch on Netflix which is on umm the cw? I think is Beauty and the Beast season three is finally avaliable so I'll be watching that soon.

The Burned Bridges of Ward, Nebraska (book review)

First off I am beyond glad to say I didn't not buy this book. I have Amazon prime and this is one of the books that I get for free once a month. So far I have yet to really enjoy any of the free books, either I keep picking the wrong book or they are free for a reason. Feel this one was free for a reason. It is suppose to be a satire and I've never been a fan of satires just it takes a lot to make me laugh. And this one did not.

Parts were just plan dumb and OK. I get were the author was going with it just wasn't in the mood for it. Basically it makes fun of the fades of the day and partial goes into the over diagnosis of ADHD which I do feel is over done. But it's humor about it was just meh. The main character as annoying and yes stereotypical which I know was done on purpose. It was just a blah book that I would not recommend to others and honestly do not feel like wasting much time writing about it either. In other words ending this post here.

It's looking like rehab had him over do it. So far all tests have come back good and his echo has improved since his last one two weeks ago before the stents so that's good. Just waiting for a blood result of it comes back good we can go home. He just needs to rest this weekend.

Not sure if I've mentioned this before but the things you see and hear in an er is crazy. Can't imagine working in one day in day out much respect to those who do!

ETA: his blood work looks good we are now just waiting for them to get us out of here, which can take an hour or two... Why are they so slow???

Back in the car again

At the moment we are sitting in the er because hubby has shortness of breath and his blood pressure is acting high once more. Hoping it's something minor and we can get out of here by later today.

Not sure if I mentioned it here but Aiden was seen on Tuesday by his pediatrician he did have some water in his ear which was causing him to fail his hearing test and they have official written him up as having asthma and is now on restricted play. No outside play on red and yellow days, mainly set up for school which he might be starting preschool on the fall will know for sure Monday with his iep meeting. I'll update about hubby once we know more. Waiting on blood results and an X-ray. So it will be a while.

Oh and lastly bought some bamboo for the boys room because I heard it could help clean the air for those who have asthma if it works cool if not it's still pretty.

Tasty Science

It's been a bit of a long weekend since hubby can't do much yet, and well money is a little low after getting hit with $350 by the ER and $119 in medicine. Makes it a but difficult to pay for much. And playing out in our backyard has been hard to. Our neighbors has a dick for a dog who always barks at us and tries to jump the short fence which I had been hoping to replace this year. I just do not trust that dog. I have taken them out back a few times but the dog is ALWAYS there and it seems either neighbor never is or just doesn't give a damn. Why do people have dogs who never ever take care of them? Every house I have ever lived at ended up with a next door neighbor who had a dog that they  never really take care of. Just leave them back there and never stop them from barking ever. At least this one cleans up after them its more then I can say for the last two.

So anyways been  trying to keep the boys happy and busy. I bought a kit a while back for Connor called Tasty Science, it has science projects that you can eat.

We tried two of them today first a fizzy drink that made the boys laugh a lot. Thankfully I added the water over the sink because it bubbled everywhere. It was fun to make but not all that tasty. Next we made cookies where one half we used blue food dye and the other half none. Its  suppose to show how looks can make people biased towards it. I umm.... biased it because the dye was thick and hard to mix in (seriously is sucked) and I thought after cooking the blue ones I added vanilla to the others. Both were not bad but the vanilla ones were better next time we do this when I by decent food color dye to try thee real experiment we can.

Also the way they had us cut put the cookies made them tiny and I mean tiny; like quarter size, which OK it is for tasting so they should be small but it made a few cook rather hard cause of how small they are. Still Connor had fun and he really wants to try the rock candy, but I do not have a clean clear jar.  so that will just have to wait, but if and or when we do, do that one I'll take pictures because if it works that one has the potential to be pretty fun. Only problem is it takes more then a week to do that one and Connor has no patience and I mean no patience with these kind of things. He asked me about 5 times if the cookies were ready when they were cooking for 12 minutes. We will just see how that one goes.

When it rains it pours.

In a blink of an eye your whole world can change. I've had moments in my life that have completely changed everything.

This little guy being a prime example. I like to think ahead to make plans of what to do in my life. i am learning with a steep learning curve that planning rarely works and one moment can will change everything. One such major moment in time for my little family started last Friday. My husband, Kaleo, known by our internet friends had been having problems with his blood pressure. Earlier that week he went to see our family Doctor and yes his blood pressure was screaming high. They increased his blood pressure meds but five days later he was not feeling well.  He was feeling pressure on his heart and just felt off and could no longer ignore it. He was scared and needed answers. So much so he was going to go to the ER at 9 at night alone. Not wanting that I made a quick call to my parent's and got the boys to my parent's house.turns out his blood pressure was still high even though the pressure cuff we had at home showed he was OK. Obviously it was wrong and he was admitted that night to the hospital so they could get him under better control with new meds.

New normal

It's only Wednesday and this week can be over already. It's been a not so easy week to say the least and for once it's not work stressing me out its just well life. Hubby has high blood pressure (it's genetic) and the medicine he has been taking for taking for ten years Isn't working anymore and his blood pressure as been very high. They have given him new medicine were just waiting to see if it will keep his numbers more normal, so far he's still high but he goes back Monday were they will if needed tweak his meds again hopefully they get it figured out fast. He hasn't been feeling well for obvious reasons. Just want him feeling better for Sunday we get to go see Captain America Civil War that day :). 

On top of that my youngest is sick again and he always takes it to the next level .

See what I mean? This was this morning his third treatment since last night. He was super grumpy after this but once the Tylenol kicked in he was back to his usual self, just wish he had a better night. Hoping this does not turn into something more, poor guy ends up with an ear infection with about a third of the colds he gets :/. Not fair.

Because of all this decided to read s book called The Butned Bridges of Ward, Nebraska.

It's suppose to be just a funny book about a single mom living in a small town. So far? Eh it takes a lot to make me laugh most things that people are as funny just don't work for me. Take the new Ghostbusters coming out, not my kind of humor at all I'll watch it when it comes out on tv, but definitely not in the theaters. I'll also keep reading the book I'm not that far into it just on page forty do it has time to redeem itself. The one good thing about the book? I got free because I have Amazon prime, do that helps.

Scarlet by Marrisa Meyer: book review

I tried with this book I really did I know a lot of people like it, it has some great reviews on goodreads but I had a hard time with it,  basically had to force myself to finish the damn thing. So where to begin?  Well first off this book had the one part that I hate most in stories in general. Call it my biggest story Pete peeve as it were its making  characters stupid for no other reason but to have added shock values ate ron the story. I can't stand this in books or shoes or movies..don't get me started on the second Jurrasic Patk movie. So in Scarlet one of the msin characters, Cinder, has a big secret that she isn't hiding all that well. She basically tells one of the other characters her secret and he seems to not hear it and she moves on to another subject. Honestly this thing drives me crazy. When he finally founds out the truth even with all the facts in front of his face he can't seem to believe it bleh.

Another book a classic that I read out of curiosity Dracula, also used this pet peeve of mine in the story. The main characters get Van Helsing to help hunt down vampires. And somehow even though he is the world expert he nor anyone else could understand howanother  character kept walking up pale, weak and suddenly wearing a scarf around her neck. OMG some expert he was that character was annoying anyways back to Scarlet the description in the book wasn't as good as the first felt in the first I got a decent look at Cinder but books to felt like I was an outsider not fully seeing the picture,

My last problem was the new relationship developed in the book felt forced didn't care for it though admittingly I'm also not a huge fan of romance novels so that probably effects my views on it as well. Overall it was ok doubt I'll be reading more from this series.  In fact I may stay aeay from YA books for s while need books with more detail which YA books don't have. Need more Game of Thrones detail...Ok maybe not THAT much detail just more.

Cinder by Marissa Meyer (book review)

One genre of books I enjoy reading is rehashed fairy tales I really love the series The Wide Awake Princess, just a very cute read I believe I still have one more book to read in the series, When I get around to it I will try to do a book review of the last book and the series in general. If you like series based off of fairy tales I do recommend that one its just fun.

Because of my love of this genre I decided to pick up the YA novel Cinder. This story occurs in the future after World War IV I believe and is in New Beijing. I liked the story, not love. A lot was predictable and somethings could have been explained better. Cinde(a.k.a Cinderella) is a cyborg who became one due to a terrible accident. After someone becomes a cyborg they are seen as second hand citizens. The only explanation for that is they received a second chance as life so have less rights then others, which seems odd to me but whatever. I wonder if they see them as less because Cinder is partially controlled by her machine parts, when she has some extreme emotional  response it forces her to come down, and she is unable to cry.

It wasn't a terrible book but while reading it I decided not to read the next one. And yet I am now reading the second book called Scarlet. Which is about Cinder and Scarlet, little red riding hood, i haven't read much into the book but  I'll try to do a review on it as well. I have read two other books both Start Wars which I may or may not get around to reviewing, will see if my motivation stays around long enough for that. My current state of mind hasn't been the right one for writing.

Motivation were did you go?

It's not been a great few weeks/months. With the boys been getting sick over and over and my youngest pediatrician wants him tested for speech and possibly behavioral therapy. It's been rough to say the least and has been taking its toll on me. First of I'm scared they going to diagnose Aiden with stuff I know he does not have, he is not adhd just a rambunctious four year old. How have I come to this conclusion? His doctor and dentist appointments show that he can be very well behaved and follow all directions. When it comes to doctors he is overall the perfect little patient. So yes this has put me on edge.

Now add what happened two weeks ago I know Aiden has issues with colds, it usually ends in an ear infection, but this last one was different hubby had bronchitis the week before this which yes had me worried. The night of April fourth Aiden started acting sick slight cough normal cold like symptoms next morning same thing I dropped him off at grandma's and went to work. Called at three and she said he seemed worse but was ok, hour and a half later she called in a panic he was worse and needed me to get there ASAP. Thankfully my back up was there and I ran out the door got home to s little boy's whose breathing was very wheezy you could here every breath. I called his pediatrician who told me to either go to primaries medical center or a kid care. I went straight to a kid care because it was a five minute drive versus 45. Once there and at the desk it was mere minutes before we were taking straight back his breathing was that bad.

To breathing treatments and shot of steroids later we were doing ye waiting game to decide if we were heading home or heading up to Primaries. Thsnkfully it all worked out and we were able to go home but it was close. Aiden was almost sent up to Primariea and a possible night stay. During it all I stayed calm and through the next day remained so gave him gees thing treatments was given an inhaler for him and I just stayed home from work and took care of him.

That night though hit me hard I checked him every hour scared that he would again have breathing issues. It was a rough exhuasting night full of panic attacks. At one point I touched him and he felt cold which caused me to freak out and scared the poor kid. After I settled him down I recovered him with the blanket he had kicked off and waited for my pounding heart to calm down.

The next day at work was not an easy one. First I came into a mess my back up did little, rush missed room a mess. Being already exhausted close to having another panic attack I was emotions let fucked up. Close to either crying or screaming and due to complete exhaustion I was having a really hard time talking. Words were just not coming out right or at all. Aiden was seemingly better but I was not. I got more sleep that night and I just wanted to survive Friday and have a weekend to hopefully calm my anxiety and pull me out if the depression I was in. I can only explain what I had as ptsd I thought we were done with some of this stuff he had been doing better! It had been two years since he needed a breathing treatment, no more primaries. Found out I was living in a fantasy world that this kid could still end up there because his problems were fixed but not cured. Guess it just hit me hard :/.

He seemed much better on Friday then Saturday  morning he woke up screaming and pointing at his ear. Not new to this I grabbed my phone and got him an appointment to see his doctor. As suspected he had an ear infection and his cough was back and worse suspecting the start if bronchitis I ended up giving him breathing treatments for the weekend to stop it from getting worse and not getting pneumonia.

He is much better now but I feel like I'm questioning my own sanity partially because I sometimes feel like I'm doing most of this alone hubby just doesn't do much. Like today I had to work for a while left early and when I called about going home found out he hadn't fed himself or the boys so I had to get food for them. Get home to a very messy livi g room one I had cleaned up yesterday. I'm trying to do the best I can but I don't feel like it's good enough no matter what I do it's not enough. I'm just tired and numb as of late and hoping at some point I'll be strong again just not right now. 

Tv shows

Posting on here is definitely going to be occasional. Life has just been very busy only about 30 percent through the book I am reading been very slow going. Kept up with the shows we've been watching well mostly. Not even watching that many. Current watching list is: The Walking Dead, Agent Carter ( ok season just finished so now Agents of Shield, Arrow, Flash and DC's Legends. The last one I'm still in the fence on. Tried watching Super Girl but just couldn't get into to much clique which most of the DC shows have annoyingly been doing this year. They just haven't been as good as normal and well Super Girl? I've never been a huge fan of the superman genre so just couldn't get into it.

Overall I enjoyed Agent Carter and hoping they do another season. Not sure if they will rumors are flying that it won't happen since the main actress signed on to another series, but she claims she can do both.

Now in the subject about more seasons here's hoping they do another season of X-Files or a movie SOMETHING please? Cause I can't handle were they ended it. It was so good and then bam! WTF!! That's all I will say about that right now.

Have been enjoying Walking Dead more there back to more of the core characters but Carol has been strangley absent :/. Though I like were they went with Michoine and Rick just hope that doesn't mean she will end up dead I like her more then Rick. The actress is going to be here  at Fan X which is at the end of the month. But I only have a Thursday ticket and she won't be here that day. I have issues with hug crowds so any other day at the cons puts me into hug panic attacks. So unfortunately most of the bigger actors do not come on the first day so I miss out on that but I keep my sanity.

The one Saturday I did go to I did not last all day and it ended up with me finding a somewhat empty back room to try and recollect myself before trying to muddle through the crowd once more.

And lastly now Warching Walking Dead and there's Carol LOL!

Work, work, work

Sorry for my lack of and shortly written posts. This has been my main view the past few weeks: 

Been coming on to work everyday since the beginning  of the month. Once again a lab had a disaster and I've been coming in for my normal hours during the week and some extra on the weekend setting up that lab's samples. On one hand being in there shoes before ( the lab I work out burned down  a year and a half ago.

Well ok it was more water damage then fire damage but still the building was a total loss. Thankfully they had good insurance and we kept being paid during the period of finding a new building. They even made sure that we had our medical insurance which was a blessing considering my youngest went in for surgery on his neck during that transition.

So what I was tying to get at was yes I understand how much it sucks to deal with that but it doesn't make me any less tired. I'm way behind on reading started reading the novel adaptation of The Force Awakens and I'm only one  Chapter in. Not in love with the writing style very much it's  jumpy between the  characters feel like I have to stop and figure out who it is from paragraph to paragraph. Probably like this post been trying to write it all day and with a tired mind here's hoping some of it makes sense! Think I'll stop here because I've lost my train of thought :(.

The Walking Dead

I will be writing about this season and last nights episode and so if you have yet to see either spoilers ahead! You have been warned.

 

Before last nights episode I have been rather disappointed with this season. Most of the characters have had much less screen time and less moments of their character. Just been more of Alexander's people which can be ok is the characters were written well but some just were not that good.

I really didn't care for Jessie she felt very two dimensional and connection between her and Rick felt very forced. They just didn't have on screen chemistry so though the one part last night was bloody and shocking, poor Carl, it didn't bug me that much. Have Rick the push to push to show what he can do, like he did back at the prison. Overall last night episode was a reflection of what walking dead used to be like we had moments with all the characters showing them as there true selves. Daryl kicked ass and the Alexander people who survived are the characters I actual was beginning to like and in my opinion had better character development then Jessie and her boys.

The heart mom/ lab tech geek view.

My youngest was born with a heart defect and had open heart surgery when he was seven days old. It changed my view on many things including how I watched some movies, one in particular. When I first watched Terminator Salvation  one part seemed dumb but a just ignored it and moved on but years later after joining the heart world and learning more that one part of the movie I simply can not stand. The part I am talking about is the heart transplant when I first saw it I just shrugged and moved on, but now? It bugs the hell out of me. First off it's not that simple! The chance that the heart is compatible is 1 in 10,000. And even if they're blood and anti bodies due match no anti rejection drugs? Yeah good luck living long. The body will see the donor heart as a foreign object and will attack it causing the person to go into heart failure and eventual death. And that's if, if he survived the surgery which how could he? They were doing it outside in a nonsterile enviroment without life support! My son's surgery was easy compared to this  and he still needed life support. His heart was stopped and blood was pumped through the machine to oxygenate it while they replaced his aorta with a aorta from a donor. The movie over simplified a very complex surgery and yes this bugs me. People tend to look for movies for some ideas of how things work and showing it that wrong is beyond annoying.

The other thing that can bug me with shows is using random chemical names to describe something. They like to do this with flash and arrow. One was talking about sodium hypochlorite saying false information about it knowing not everyone will know it's common name, bleach. I do because we call it by that name at work. My hubby laughs when I go off on the tv when they say a fancy xhemical name when it's something everyone knows with s more simple name. I know it's silly and not a big deal but it annoys me ;).

Life got a bit busy the last few weeks again. In my spare time aka the weekends been helping my family with cleaning out my grandparent's house. Grandfather died last year and house officially signed over yesterday to the new owners. Been a not a easy task so much stuff can be collected over a lifetime. What to keep? Donate? Throw out? Also either the mold or dust in the house did not react kindly to me. Still feeling off two days later. I took a few things including dolls I loved since I was a little girl to an old sex education book from the early 1900's. This book has brought me a lot of laughs so far. Apparently boy like older women when they are 14-15 years old is like having the measles, they'll get over i. And to much of it will make the sex organs stop working. I'll do a much better post later when time is more permitting. Have a great day all!

The Nightingale (book review)

 

Set during World War Two in Paris, France The Nightingale is about two sisters trying to survive the Nazis occupation. The oldest of the two, Vianne just tries to stay low key and do her best and protect her daughter while her husband is away at war and a nazi soldier lives in her house. While younger sister Isabell full of fire and anger at the occupation joins the French resistance, the Maquis. I actually had a geek moment when I read the name of the French resistance first thing to pop in my head? Oh so that's were Star Trek got the name! Yes silly me.

Overall I liked the book it had its issues being a historical book with fictional characters that's going to happen. I admit I did read others bad reviews of the book after I was done to see if I agreed or not one complained about the parts with torture and concentration camps??? Why are we reading a World War Two book if you have issues reading about those? Silly people. 

One thing I took from the book is that I'm glad we didn't become that world. World of eugenics, world were someone decides on who is good and who is not. If I lived in that world my youngest would not have been allowed to be a part of it due to his heart defects. They  would see it as a weakness but it's not it's his strength.

I mainly read this because I was interested in what happened in France during World War Two, it was much darker then I had realized. Nazis certainly left a dark mark where ever they went. .

I was also surprised to read that when they first targeted the Jews in France they only targeted those not native to France . Of course the majority who were   native were children whose patent's would not leave behind because they had no idea what horrors awaited.

Overall I like the book it had some flaws but what doesn't? Any book that has me crying at the end has good merit to it.

Always

It's been one of those weeks, got hardly anything done what I wanted to because mentally? Just wasn't up to it. my mom's been sick, so have been worried about her ( ear infection, sinus infection and pneumonia) Then on Monday learned that a coworker/friend's mother is in the final stage of Alzheimer's. She can no longer swallow and is being taken home for her final days. Due to current laws she will basically be put on pain meds and will die from starvation... Not any easy concept to think about. :(

A day after learning about this we found out that another coworker has been hospitalized, she had surgery the other week and now has an affection that they can't get under control :(.  Next day I get up for work the check my email and bam I'm shocked at the headline I read. Alan Rickman dead at age 69 from cancer. I instantly have a Luke Skywalker moment "No, no that's not true. That's impossible!" But upon opening the email  I see it to be true.

Only a few actor deaths truly hit me this one does and I find my eyes watering. Hit my limit for the week. I ended up heading to work feeling numb worried about my coworkers and reeling over the loss of Alan Rickman. It's not long before myself and others at work start quoting movies lines like "I'm going to cute your heart out with a spoon." He was in many movies that I loved and watched in my young teen years including Robin Hood and Quigley Down Under. He did great as a villain and I will always love his  rendition of Snape and his done patronus. Spent last night watching Galaxy Quest because yes I needed to.

Jurassic World

Sorry for the lack of posts been sick and then my mom got pretty sick and was not in the mind set to post. Even now I can't promise this to be a very long post I just wanted to share something that amuses me each time I watch Jurrasic World and yes it's been multiple times. It's just a in movie but one thing that always get me is these two characters:

Why might you ask why I am can't help but love and or can't get enough of these two? They remind me of my own boys a lot can see these two as future versions of my kids I mean lookie:

I can also see my oldest being more interested  in his phone then what's going one around him while my youngeat? Nope he'd be running from place to place to see it all :). Now of course if anyone out there criticizes that those to can't possibly be brothers well points at her brown eyes brown haired boy and blue eyes, blond curly haired boy. You'd be wrong ;).

And as stated forgives for a shorter post tonight and going to end it here just ping to add I liked the addition of homage if the other movies in this one including the soundtrack. Very nice touch especially for us soundtrack junkies, yeah that would be me.  If you see me at work with my headphones  on its most likely a sound track or Two Steps From Hell ( they do trailer music). Ok that's it for now bye!

Sorry

Sorry been sick will hopefully have a full post in a few days 💗

The Boar Stone (book review)

The Boar Stone is the third book in the Daleiada trilogy. I read the first two books years ago and when trying to find a new book to read I remembered that I had never read the last book in the series so I picked it up. It's not as good as the first two books or takes many many years after the first two books all new characters ones that didn't feel as well developed. The main male character was so not developed well he felt very two dimensional and just a lot of the story felt forced. I'm glad I finished the book though just a bit disappointed with this book.

Now the current book I am reading has been much more interesting and is very well written it is called Nightingale. It takes place during World War Two on France during the German occupation. I am not that far in but so far it is really good.

Antman

We did get to watch Antman this weekend not sure if will be watched biganything  else on DVD for a while though our did player is acting up. Found that out when I went to watch tomorrow land ( my mom had an extra copy and gave it to me). Have not seen that movie yet and if I can't get my player going it might be a while before I do see it. 

Anyways it worked for Antman. I was a little unsure about this Marvel movie but decided to watch it because it is a part of the marvel franchise and didn't want to miss s piece. That and both my husband and my oldest son liked it. They had s father son day at the theaters while I stayed home with our youngest. I was happily surprised I didn't go in to this movie thinking it was going to be as serious as the movies by marvel and it wasn't and that's OK. It was fun and I liked the connection they did with the other movies. That part I think was my favorite part in the whole movie.

I should admit one thing though the main female character I just st could not place. I knew I had seen her before but want sure where. Well hubby teased me big time for that and yes I deserved it since she was in the movie I had watched earlier that day just in The Hobbit she had long red hair and pointy ears, not short black hair that covered her ears felt dumb for not figuring that out fast oh well. I am impressed by one thing with marvel they hire a large array of actors for these movies. I'm quiet impressed by it really. 

I also admittingly liked the humor they through in the big battle scene with the bag guy. He looked so bad ass but during the fighting they kept the humor in it which I'm not always a big fan of a lot of comedies especially the over the top ones, but this one I liked. The humor was there but not to over board overall it wax just s fun movie that made me laugh. Something hard to find by for me these days.

The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies Extended Version

Have not done nearly as much as I wanted to the past few days. It was going to be a cleaning weekend turned into taking care of my little boy weekend :/. Has New Years Eve off which turned out to be very good thing. A was sick and got worse ended up rushing him to an instant care with what turned out to be a pretty bad ear infection poor guy. He is finally acting a little better today so we watched the last extended version of The Hobbit. 

At first I was wondering if I was in fact watching the extended version everything seemed familiar didn't see any new parts until the last battle and thankfully this version addressed some of the faults I had with the movie. The main one? The fact that most of Thorin's company is not shown fighting after they join the battle. So happy to see them back in the extended  version. Why do all that character development to not use them for the second half of the third movie?

It was also a lot bloodier then the theater version. No surprise there since the added scenes are not rated. Still wasn't perfect but better. The last battle still felt off, to me it was  like abattle zone from World of Warcraft. The drawves has the brewfest Rams and those who went with them were acting all elitist while the horde  were more organized with the battle. I even made the mistake while watching the appearance of the orcs by saying here come the horde! Hubby had a good laugh with that oops. The flags reminded me of arathi basin. Still it can be a fun movie if you turn off some of the annoyances I had about it like not enough Fili. Though they'd have a little more of him in the extended version since he dies but no oh well. Guess if I want more Dean O'Gorman I need to rewatch The Almighty Johnsons hmm I might just do that ;). Ok I'm out of here for now.